Two things:
1. Today I realized that I only have about 20 months until I start college
2. Today I became a little weary about that for the first time ever.
Since I started really considering college last fall, I have never had a sad, negative, bad feeling about it at all. College sounded perfect, it sounded like exactly what I needed. It still is but at the same time, leaving what I have here is going to be so hard. I have some amazing friends here, and I'm never, I realized, going to be ready to leave them to go out on my own. I've always known that that would eventually come, but I never really considered it as something that will really, truly, happen. There will be a last day of goofing off in choir and there will be a last day of asking Harry which men he wants to make out with. It seems bizarre because I've been in this routine of my daily life so long that it seems to me that it won't change.
I'm not normally this existentialist and terrible buttttt it's snowing out. I love snow but it definitely puts me in weird moods. The other thing is English. My English class this year has pretty much just made everyone in the class a depressed existentialist. We just got done with studying romanticism and by the end most people in the class had stopped taking notes because we were all so funked out by it, like why take notes if we're just all conformists who are going to die and be forgotten and we have no hope of knowing the beauty of nature and stuff.
But yea that's over now and we all failed the test on it and now we can all go fail the research paper together!
Failing sucks, but it's better when your whole class just rejoices that we're in it together.
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