spring awakening and catcher in the rye and rationing and fake deaths and real deaths and korean movies.
I'm listening to the music from Spring Awakening right now. That sentence says a lot more than you think, because even though I kind of grew up in the Musical Theater genre of life, I was never really into the music for any lyrical or content related reasons. So the fact that I grew out of my musical theater phase but I still listen to Spring Awakening says something. Spring Awakening is a revolutionary musical because it is so relatable for teenagers, and it will be like that forever. Spring Awakening is to musical theater as Catcher in the Rye is to books.
I keep thinking about when I clicked on "Left Behind" while sharing an iPod with my friend, and she told me to turn it off. It's one of those memories that makes me want to throw something. I hate that gut wrenching reality that hits you in a 5 second exchange of words.
I wish I had pictures to show you of all the memories I'm sharing right now, but I don't.
I came up with another memory tonight as well after I got home from the film festival, about a fake death. Faking one's own death is a cruel trick to play, and it is again one of those gut wrenching moments of reality worth detesting. I remember when I was visiting a friend in another state. For ease of story-telling, we'll call my friend Shelby and we'll call the girl who faked her death Kate. I wouldn't have had any idea who Kate was when Shelby told me that Kate died, except for that I remember Shelby telling me that she really really didn't like Kate. Shelby is an agreeable and sensible person, so her distaste for Kate was surely validated.
Anyways, Shelby came home from volleyball practice one day and she started crying. I asked her why, and she told me that Kate had gotten in a abad car accident and was dead. I looked at my friend and I couldn't fathom the torture and confusion of her feelings at that moment. Kate's death made Shelby feel guilty for speaking ill of her. Shelby cried when the person she liked the least of anyone died only because she knew her. Death, though we all picture it black, is the most transparent of all the things to be. Death shows us who we are.
We found out a few hours later that Kate was totally full of shit and had done the whole thing herself by stealing her brothers phone and texting a few people. It was pretty selfish of her to do that, and I'm sure that she lost a few people's trust and friendship after that stunt, but I can't help but thinking that maybe these people learned a small lesson in humanity. Maybe not that they loved Kate afterall because they cried when they thought she was dead, but that they should treat people in general as best as they can because you don't know what will happen tomorrow.
I've been feeling so existential lately I guess because I'm a suburbian teenager, but it's more of the hopeful existentialism than the "we are born we kill trees and then we die" sort of existentialism.
I'm really bad at telling stories and then having a conclusion that says something. By the time I'm done speaking or typing out what I'm trying to say, I usually forget where I was going with it in the first place.
Last night I saw a movie at the film festival called Man from Nowhere and it was like Taken with Liam Neeson only twice as badass and one hundred percent more Korean.
"You live for tomorrow. I live for today. People who live for tomorrow get fucked by people who live for today." -Man from Nowhere
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