Sally Brompton just stop it.

right.

When I was 13 years old I bought a subscription to Seventeen magazine because I kind of liked all of the teenage girly stuff it entailed.  Seventeen, if you don't know, is probably the most popular American teenage girl magazine that talks about clothes, makeup, boys, and being skinny.  Now though, I'm 16 and I don't so much care for anymore the sexist advice on what to do about my crush or for the 48347 fashion tips I get per magazine that I never use.  Between the ages of 13 and 16, I found kinda who I am and and who I am is someone who doesn't do what people tell me to do.

So in December of 2010 I received a letter from Seventeen asking me to renew my subscription and my mother asked me if I was going to and I kinda just said nah, throw that letter away.  That's not the first time that that conversation took place though, I'm pretty sure that in December of 2009 I said the same thing and for some reason my subscription continued anyways.  And then this year, after I did not resubscribe again, my subscription still comes monthly.  I still read it as it comes but I don't really consider it worth the money anymore, I don't exactly need Seventeen in order to be a functional teenage girl.

So let's just get that clear.  I don't pay for that freaking magazine anymore and it still comes to my house.  I'm not even paying for this shit.

But today I was looking at the February 2011 horoscopes on the last page of Seventeen and this is what my horoscope read:
"On the 6th, Venus and Jupiter will suddenly make you fall  head over heels for a new cutie at school"

It kept on after that and told me how to "snag my new crush" and "sharpen my flirting skills" but I figure it's probably not worth the typing.  I mean other than the fact that horoscopes are complete bullshit in the first place, this one, written by Sally Brompton (she deserves credit for this.), is particularly plentiful in lies and total fallacy.  The 6th of February 2011 is, ladies and gentlemen, A SUNDAY.  How, pray tell, would I fall for the NEW cutie at SCHOOL on a SUNDAY?!  I would not have MET the new cutie that I am supposed to fall head over heels for until the SEVENTH because it is a MONDAY and we have SCHOOL ON MONDAYS NOT SUNDAYS.

I mean fine, horoscopes will never be perfectly accurate but that one was just SUCH A FAIL OPERATION.
I'm just ignoring her use of Jupiter and Venus as her own personal playthings to say that they're causing this crap to happen.  crappen.   Is there a term like dehumanizing only for planets, deplanetizing?  Venus and Jupiter are so much greater than your petty use of them to earn your pay.

Dear Sally,
Next time before you write your total crap horoscope for which you will be given a surely fat paycheck, break out your Team Edward 2011 calendar and check to see if that shit's even plausible.
From,
Infuriated at your calendar incompetence.