This blog is just going to suck so much because I can't even think of a way to phrase what I'm saying.
Can I please explain to you the way I think? Because it might help you understand why it is that whenever I try to make a point, I refute it too much or I completely flip sides. I'm starting it off with a thought that I kind of almost concretely believe
1. God doesn't exist
1 and a half. Not god is dead. that's not what im saying. There never was a god but there always was a universe.
2. But I kinda wish he did because I really like to live and being in Heaven would be better than being dead3. But the honest truth is that religion causes too many problems to ever support it
4. Thinking like that doesn't really work, eventually it gets hypocritical because there's good and bad aspects to everything and not liking religion because it can be bad is the same as liking something because it can be good
5. So I should just not care about anything
6. But I need to care about things
7. But maybe I don't. Why do I have to conform to the whole idea of having ideas and beliefs and caring and stuff
8. لأن انا إنسان
9. whoops... that's not English.
10. but maybe caring about things would make making decisions about smaller things easier and maybe it would make finding colleges easier
11. how do mirrors work, i know they reflect light but... how does it work?
11 and a half. Am I grounded?
12. back to decisions. what about college. what about picking movies to watch
13. speaking of college i really do hate how teachers make it seem like your life will be over if you fail a class in high school. Sorry every teacher ever, but I get straight a's and b's and I speak four languages and I'm captain of a varsity sport as a junior AND I take college level Arabic. So fuck you, I'm gonna go to college.
14. there are so many colleges though. how do i pick a college when i dont even know what they all are or their good points and bad ones and how do i pick one without ever visiting the campus.
15. thats not how life should work, you're supposed to know where your going to live before you move there and college should be no different. you should know what your school looks like before you go there. you just should.
(super mega apology for the lack of some necessary grammar things in here.)
the worst part about this train of thought is that it's completely reduced. Normally I'm way more wishy-washy (apologies for using that phrase) than that. And also I think in usually more than just two languages. Usually I think in either English, Spanish and French or EngSpanArabic but I thought about just keeping it to two for the purpose of my 0 readers to understand what I'm trying to say.
But maybe this whole thing actually does speak to the point I was going to make using an analogy with an iPod before I erased it all. Maybe simplicity is a lot better than complexity. We don't need to be this species that doesn't always mean what we say and that lives in excess. There are SO many things to think about without the added unnecessary complications. Like mirrors. I don't want to think about facebook and stuff like that and how I'm not going to get into college because neither of those thoughts a) matter (facebook doesn't for obvious reasons, but me thinking I won't get into college doesn't matter because despite whatever I think, whoever looks at my application gets to decide, not me.) and b) aren't really true. (facebook just isn't even real.)
And one of the biggest complications of all is religion. It's one of the main things I think about it, probably because it's something that I'm not waiting to find out. I know that I'll eventually go to college and love it, but religion isn't something you can be patient with and eventually you know what's going on. I'll never know, and neither will you. So why do we fight wars about it, it will NEVER matter what we believe in. It won't. T
There's about as many things you should care about as there are things you shouldn't. Things you should care about should mean something to you, like music and other people. Things you shouldn't care about should be things that cause you anger or stress or sadness or feel unnecessary, like your hair or the weather (weather happens, and it's no one's fault so stop complicating it plz.) or stupid girls. Or stupid boys for that matter! Sometimes stupid people need to be cared about though, but this is a fact that I don't care about.
Do you see how I just make fun of myself while this is going on and it's terrible because i make fun of myself and maybe I should actually care about more things because honestly my defense mechanism is apathy.
RANTY RANT RANT. ohhhhh I will probably delete this in about a week because it doesn't represent my thought process as well as I had hoped it would. It's easier to think things than it is to write them.
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