this is a jumbled mess.

I just had such a Holden Caulfield-ish night.  I feels like it was three nights actually.

The First Night

I left my house to go to a formal party that my friend was having.  I was driving my mother's red ford flex that pretty much screams "we're white folk!"  and then I realized that I honestly had not an idea where my friend lives.  I knew which neighborhood, but I knew not which house.  So I just drove.  I drove all through the neighborhood- trying to find a house that looked suspicious for having a party, but there were none.  So I drove some more.

At first I thought about how far Bradley Road went on for.  Maybe I could just drive on this street until I ran out of  gas, and then what would I do?  I could not call anyone, seeing as I didn't have a phone.  I could, however, pay for some gas but if I bought more gas, I think that I would not turn around and drive home.  I think I would keep driving.  I wanted to be that far away, I did.  But I decided that tonight wasn't the night for a road trip that would take me as far as the gas in my car could.  So I turned into the Bradley Woods Nature Park.

And I drove.  

I drove until the road ran out, and I came across a small parking lot and a field.  I turned into the parking lot, put on Sirius Radio channel 30, and I turned off my car.  

I sat in that parking lot for around half an hour and watched some deer graze.  There were four of them, and they were eating the grass underneath the snow.  

Grass.  That reminds me of when I lived in Tennessee.  In the fall, all of the grass would die and turn tan instead of green.  It became sort of pokey, and dry.  I like that a lot.

But the deer were grazing, and I just sat in my car and watched them.  I didn't really want to leave, to stop watching them, but I felt the need to do something so I drove some more.

The Second Night

I didn't know exactly what to do.  I had NO intentions of going to Winter Formal.  I couldn't find Derek's house, I had no cell phone to use to call anyone to ask where Derek lived, and I absolutely could not go home and have my parents asking me what I had been doing for the past hour.  

So I went to the dance.  

I got there, and the parking lot wasn't even a third full.  Not even close really.  But I walked in.  It felt strange, walking into a dance completely alone.  I didn't even know if my friends were going to be there, I didn't know if I would find anyone I knew or wanted to dance with.  

I caught up with a few of my friends, and we went and danced and did whatever one would do at a dance, but it didn't feel normal, not by any means.  It felt bizarre.  I wasn't really in a dancing mood, I hadn't prepared myself for being around so many people, and along with all that, I'm pretty sick right now too.  I've been coughing relentlessly for almost a week, sometimes I can barely get a few words in between each hack.  

I danced with a guy who I had wanted to dance with for awhile, and although I suspect he might read this, it wasn't exactly magic.  Partially my fault because I didn't particularly try to make it matter or whatever but it just didn't really make any sort of impact on me.  I dunno. 

I ended up leaving a little early.  It was a disappointment on various levels, I know that if I had really wanted it to be fun though, I would have made it fun for myself.  But I didn't  

The Third Night

I left early from the dance, and I now had information on where Derek lived, so I decided to go to his house for the remainder of the evening.  

We just sat around and had a classy time, and I talked to Laura about my Friday night and we watched Zoolander.  There isn't much to report about the third night, I was with good friends of mine and we had a nice time in nicer company.  

I don't really have anything to comment on them I guess.  It just wasn't quite what i was expecting.  To witness deer being deer, to be disappointed by lots of things, to have good friends.