Thursday, February 23, 2012
Vicious circle
So these last two days have sucked. And I have no smart thoughts to tell you so heads up, this post is nothing more than summary of my life.
Apparently I have the trendy new flu that has been going around (that I have not heard of but my mom has, which makes sense because she's cooler than me) soooo I have had a headache and a temperature that's too low or too high all the time and the worst feeling throat ever.
And I mean the worst fucking throat you can possibly ever imagine.
It's not like scratchy at all and it doesn't hurt to talk or yell or scream or worst of all, cry, but it just fucking hurts. Picture you're idea of a sore throat and just cut that out of your brain because this is not at all the same thing. I fucking wish I had a sore throat. It's only on one side of my throat but there's some like horrible thing back there. Every time I swallow, which is pretty often because swallowing is a natural reflex, the name of which I learned in 10th grade bio and I think it starts with an e but I cannot remember, I feel excruciating pain coming from the left side of the back of my throat. And the rest of the time, when I am thinking about trying to not swallow, it just aches. So scale of 1 to 10 it's like a 4 all of the time and then an 8 every time I swallow and it SUCKS
So I've taken 11 motrins today. ELEVEN
And thanks to pain killer medications, the pain kind of comes and goes in waves where sometimes it's okay and manageable but other times I find myself digging my nails into my skin or pulling my hair out of my scalp to distract from the fact that I know I have to swallow but I don't want to.
So that has been my life. And it blows. And then every time I let myself think about how crappy I feel I just start crying because 2 and a half straight days of this insane throat business is enough to drive really really sane people to madness, and everyone here knows that I wasn't starting from full sanity anyways.
And every time I start crying, my headache gets worse because that's just how my life is, which makes me cry more because it makes me feel more crappy.
And I can't sleep because it hurts, but then I feel extra exhausted the next day and thus tomorrow I will be more prone to crying due to exhaustion
Vicious circle.
And I had to miss work on Wednesday and I probably will tomorrow too which makes me feel really badly because I just started there and I really like it but i can't work with the flu. or rather, the "flu"
Wanna know something gross? You can physically feel the gland fighting the infection on the left side of my throat. It's a huge fucking gland. And it's fucking pissed off.
Apparently I have the trendy new flu that has been going around (that I have not heard of but my mom has, which makes sense because she's cooler than me) soooo I have had a headache and a temperature that's too low or too high all the time and the worst feeling throat ever.
And I mean the worst fucking throat you can possibly ever imagine.
It's not like scratchy at all and it doesn't hurt to talk or yell or scream or worst of all, cry, but it just fucking hurts. Picture you're idea of a sore throat and just cut that out of your brain because this is not at all the same thing. I fucking wish I had a sore throat. It's only on one side of my throat but there's some like horrible thing back there. Every time I swallow, which is pretty often because swallowing is a natural reflex, the name of which I learned in 10th grade bio and I think it starts with an e but I cannot remember, I feel excruciating pain coming from the left side of the back of my throat. And the rest of the time, when I am thinking about trying to not swallow, it just aches. So scale of 1 to 10 it's like a 4 all of the time and then an 8 every time I swallow and it SUCKS
So I've taken 11 motrins today. ELEVEN
And thanks to pain killer medications, the pain kind of comes and goes in waves where sometimes it's okay and manageable but other times I find myself digging my nails into my skin or pulling my hair out of my scalp to distract from the fact that I know I have to swallow but I don't want to.
So that has been my life. And it blows. And then every time I let myself think about how crappy I feel I just start crying because 2 and a half straight days of this insane throat business is enough to drive really really sane people to madness, and everyone here knows that I wasn't starting from full sanity anyways.
And every time I start crying, my headache gets worse because that's just how my life is, which makes me cry more because it makes me feel more crappy.
And I can't sleep because it hurts, but then I feel extra exhausted the next day and thus tomorrow I will be more prone to crying due to exhaustion
Vicious circle.
And I had to miss work on Wednesday and I probably will tomorrow too which makes me feel really badly because I just started there and I really like it but i can't work with the flu. or rather, the "flu"
Wanna know something gross? You can physically feel the gland fighting the infection on the left side of my throat. It's a huge fucking gland. And it's fucking pissed off.
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