I suspect John Legend is too upbeat for my mood right now. I'm not outright sad, but definitely a little bit on the deep thoughts side of things, and it's hard to be happy knowing about things.
I think that I'm just getting sick of fucking around so much. Like, I used to do things that were good for my body and soul and brain and frivolous things, but now I feel like mostly what I do is watch Netflix and hope that I wake up tomorrow with the motivation to actually fulfill myself. I've turned into this really really low energy person and it's actually kind of embarrassing.
Part of my new demeanor is OSU, honestly. I was thinking about this the other day, and I could very well be wrong and just trying to place the blame for how I'm acting on something other than myself, but it's possible that the atmosphere at OSU is too busy to be conducive to learning for me. I think I'm doing a good job socially, but academically OSU kind of really is Westlake South. Again, I'm blaming outside things instead of myself, but my classes aren't so hard that I'm motivated to give my everything to them. I'm willing to study for them two nights before the test and be relieved when it all works out anyways. I feel like I should be doing more than that, but I also feel like I'm in an environment where that's kind of how most people operate. For being a university, it doesn't seem like it places enough emphasis on academics, which is a big deal. I wish that had been something I had thought about before enrolling here.
I don't know where I would transfer to, and I wouldn't want to make that decision until I was sure about what I wanted to study.
I guess I should suck it up and start studying instead of writing this though. Or go for a run and get my life together.
