no it's not ironic.

Irony is a term used when something is the opposite of what it logically should be.  It is also a term used incorrectly thousands of times every day.

My friend Abbey used it correctly when saying that smart phones are dumb and that is ironic.  Yes it IS ironic because smart phones are supposed to be smart.  The popular song entitled Ironic by Alanis Morisette is ironic because you would think it's about Irony but it's actually about sad things that happen that aren't ironic at all.

For example, the lyrics: 

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

aren't ironic at all... that's just sad.  But the entire awful song is like that.  You can go through it and count all of the sucky things that happen but none of them are actually ironic and Alanis Morisette is a moron.

FEMALE DICTIONARY:
nothing, forget it = you better figure out what you did wrong.
are you tired? = please don"t go to sleep, i love talking to you.
i"m okay = hold me tight, i need a shoulder to cry on.
i don"t give a fuck anymore = i still care, but i"m tired of arguing with you.
i"m cold = get a blanket and cuddle with me.
leave me alone = please don"t go.
i love you = tell me you do more.

I hate some of these "like" things on facebook.  For example, that one up there.  

There is someone out there who thinks they're smart for writing that and making it likeable.  Think about that.  There are many flaws with it obviously but the biggest one that everyone ever should realize is the "leave me alone= please don't go"


Let's get this clear that if I tell you to leave me alone, you better.  Why don't people say what they mean?  How is anyone supposed to understand what you mean when you never say it ever.  


Goddddd that girl is stupid.

the most insulting thing ever,

Although the friend of mine may read this, I don't really care that she knows that she is the one who gave me the worst insult I have ever gotten ever.  She probably forgets that she said this and may even ask who it was that did say it.  And I'll say, Darling, it was you.

Lately my friends and I have spent a lot more time than usual talking about the future.  Lately meaning for the past year and a half.  We talk about college, careers, upcoming weekends and dances but rarely talk much about exactly what's happening at the moment.  But I remember saying "I think I would like to work with people somehow."  and she said, to one extent or another, "maybe you could be a sociologist and work in a lab to study people?"

I'm not sure exactly how she worded it, but what she meant was (and I know what she meant.  We've been friends for years, I pick up on what everything she says actually means whether she knows it or not.) "maybe you should work in a dark lab alone where you don't have to talk to anyone ever and study people instead of actually being around people."  I know that in reading this there is no possible way for you to trust that what she said is what she actually said, but it is.  Because I looked at her with confusion and she just kind of nodded as if to say "yeah that's exactly what I meant."

I mean maybe she thinks I'm not good with people because in her case I tend to be (exact opposite of verbose?) sometimes.  But that's only because she says shit like that up there.

I just wanted to tell her "you don't know me."  Because I mean she tries- but she kind of doesn't.  I really like spending time with people and helping them.  I would love to become a high school teacher and hang around teenagers all day or to become a social worker and help kids find homes.  I know how to deal with people because I'm not one. 

I've been thinking about fights lately.  About how I rarely get in fights with people because it's difficult to get me stirred up enough with a person to say anything in the first place.  And how when I do get in fights, I don't let myself get vulnerable enough to end up hurt or sad. 

And I've been thinking about how today at the pool I could have kicked that kid out, my supervisor wanted me to kick him out, but I knew that he wasn't a bad kid.  He was just being a jackass.  I see people further than anyone else does.  I take time to analyze them from lots of sides and I'm good at figuring out how to deal with them.

You may not like the way I treat you but you better realize that there is a reason I do.   So don't tell me I shouldn't be dealing with people as a career. 

Sassy face.

oh natalie.

I'M THE SWAN QUEEN

Sally Brompton just stop it.

right.

When I was 13 years old I bought a subscription to Seventeen magazine because I kind of liked all of the teenage girly stuff it entailed.  Seventeen, if you don't know, is probably the most popular American teenage girl magazine that talks about clothes, makeup, boys, and being skinny.  Now though, I'm 16 and I don't so much care for anymore the sexist advice on what to do about my crush or for the 48347 fashion tips I get per magazine that I never use.  Between the ages of 13 and 16, I found kinda who I am and and who I am is someone who doesn't do what people tell me to do.

So in December of 2010 I received a letter from Seventeen asking me to renew my subscription and my mother asked me if I was going to and I kinda just said nah, throw that letter away.  That's not the first time that that conversation took place though, I'm pretty sure that in December of 2009 I said the same thing and for some reason my subscription continued anyways.  And then this year, after I did not resubscribe again, my subscription still comes monthly.  I still read it as it comes but I don't really consider it worth the money anymore, I don't exactly need Seventeen in order to be a functional teenage girl.

So let's just get that clear.  I don't pay for that freaking magazine anymore and it still comes to my house.  I'm not even paying for this shit.

But today I was looking at the February 2011 horoscopes on the last page of Seventeen and this is what my horoscope read:
"On the 6th, Venus and Jupiter will suddenly make you fall  head over heels for a new cutie at school"

It kept on after that and told me how to "snag my new crush" and "sharpen my flirting skills" but I figure it's probably not worth the typing.  I mean other than the fact that horoscopes are complete bullshit in the first place, this one, written by Sally Brompton (she deserves credit for this.), is particularly plentiful in lies and total fallacy.  The 6th of February 2011 is, ladies and gentlemen, A SUNDAY.  How, pray tell, would I fall for the NEW cutie at SCHOOL on a SUNDAY?!  I would not have MET the new cutie that I am supposed to fall head over heels for until the SEVENTH because it is a MONDAY and we have SCHOOL ON MONDAYS NOT SUNDAYS.

I mean fine, horoscopes will never be perfectly accurate but that one was just SUCH A FAIL OPERATION.
I'm just ignoring her use of Jupiter and Venus as her own personal playthings to say that they're causing this crap to happen.  crappen.   Is there a term like dehumanizing only for planets, deplanetizing?  Venus and Jupiter are so much greater than your petty use of them to earn your pay.

Dear Sally,
Next time before you write your total crap horoscope for which you will be given a surely fat paycheck, break out your Team Edward 2011 calendar and check to see if that shit's even plausible.
From,
Infuriated at your calendar incompetence.

first day out

It felt like forever, but finally, we were at the top of the Payday lift at Park City.

So I strapped into my snowboard and got going. The hill was familiar, sort of difficult, not too icy, more people than would be preferable. It was weirdish though, every curve the clope took I thought was going to be the bottom, then it wasn't. And, for the first time in my life, I was the first one in our group of 9 to make it to the bottom. I was cruisin for sure.

I had neglected the notion of goggles for the first day out and I was rocking my shades instead. That though, soon became a mistake. I was going so fast that I couldn't see a thing- my eyes were watering from the wind hitting them so hard. And then there was a strange tapping in my ear... what the hell? Turned out it was my hood beating against my helmet in the wind. I was so cold but so comfortable. I love how alone you are on a hill. There are people but you don't directly communicate with them, it's just you and the slope and some things to avoid. It feels more natural than anything.

We came out here with my dad's college buddies and their families. So it's the Hartmans, the Molczans, and the Labories. There are 6 teenagers, 5 adults. And then there's another guy, Carnahan, who joined us out here too but he's not staying in the house with us.

Our house is essentially, the shit. Plenty of beds and bedrooms, 45 inch TVs, the works. We don't have much in the department of food though, the fridge is pretty much just stocked with beer. The floors here are heated which seemed sweet at first but our room is hot as hell because of it. Octogon hot tub. Pretty sick.

Get that saddle outta here.

Then we went to a terrain park. I wasn't gonna die on a box the first day out, so I just went on what I thought was going to be a whaleback next to the rails and boxes. They weren't whalebacks though, they were jumps and I got some baby airs before I even knew what was happening.

We went out for dinner with Carnahan and we had the pleasure of driving him down to the place we ate at. My dad was driving and he missed the turn that would take us straight down the mountain and into town and we ended up on a long damn road that took us around the mountain. Several times. We saw the venicular.

Is that a comforting thing or is that an im a weird kid thing?

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^look look I wrote this from my droid! wheeee.

airports and stuff.

It's four thirty in the damn morning, mom. Stop. Telling. Me. To. Get. Up.

It's four fifty in the damn morning, m- SHIT WE LEAVE AT 5

So i scraped all of my last minute stuff together, threw it in my backpack pulled on a pair of jeans and a t shirt and ran downstairs. Forget brushing my hair or putting together a cute airport outfit, Utah was waiting. I was cranky and getting sassed for waking up late, so I got some coffee because it solves all of my problems. Then we got in the car, and I, being the little sister, was forced to sit in the tiny back back seat. Ew.

So we arrived at the Cleveland Hopkins airport anddd got to our gate and waited to board. I love airports in the morning- I mean, I hate mornings, but as far as places to be during such ungodly hours go, airports are tops. I like that they're quiet but still exciting.

We boarded flight 413 and we waited. And waited. And then finnnnnaaalllyyyyy we took off! It was awesome. I love the feeling of flying- it's easy to pretend like you're somewhere else. Being 10,000 feet up is like not being anywhere at all, and it's like being anywhere you like.

I love how gravity feels too. Sometimes on a plane you feel really really heavy, like everything is pushing you down. But then you feel yourself lift up out of your seat a little when they turn the gravity off. I love that a lot.

My dad and Beau and I boarded the plane before Beau's friend Alec did. I sat in a row with my dad and Beau sat in the row next to us where he saved a seat for Alec. I looked down and when I looked back up, the three seat row in which my brother sat was full of old people. Lolololol. So I got to sit next to Alec wheeee!

Beau, you can put your phone on airplane mode instead of turning it off.
Yeah Hayley but I just turned it off.
But whyyyy?
Because that's what you're supposed to do...
But... the phone has an airplane mode.
Hayley, I'll kill your whole family.
No I'll kill YOUR whole family.

It keeps turning out that babies are sitting behind me. Not that I really mind babies, but they're just sort of... loud.

But now we're on our second flight, we had a connection in Chicago. Beau and I managed to save a seat for Alec this time, despite some sass from a klutzy long haired skier. We played three way mariokart, and

I FEEL LIKE YELLING.

Fudjiskxnjcfhdusjikjbh jduehswjudui n brraaaaaahahahahah.

This flight from Chicago to Salt Lake City is a much longer one, around 3 hours and 15 minutes. It's exciting though, I've never traveled this far west before.

It's a cup in a cup. It's an inception cup.
It has layers!

Your hair is... vertical.

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poetry

Tonight I attended the second annual WHS poetry slam, and it was an experience.  It was around two and a half hours long, but thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless.  After about half an hour, I realized that I would want to write a post about it soooo being me, I took notes.  At first they were on my phone... I just realized that I deleted those.  Whoops.  Good thing for paper!  After my phone thing got tedious I started to actually write out notes, thoughts and stuff.  And these are the notes.  These are half the notes, anyways...

-"Skinny jeans are uncomfortable"
- I love words
- Internal rhyme <3
- And i was like, "Heck yeah."  Squirrels!
- "Because God doesn't make promises lightly, and neither do I."
- Sometimes I don't wear shoes either... point those toes aw yeah.
- I miss Kevin Ritter
- Alliteration, Facebook and Harry Potter references <3
- Physicality ftw
- She just explored the mic. 
- Usage of you instead of I (John Green)
- Internal Rhyme AH bass voice <3
- Aaron Perkins wrote his second poem during the intermission last year...lololol.
- Baby voices freak me out
- Sam and I are far too hipster.  Good thing being hipster is a stereotype
- The speed of light is so fast.  In fact, it's the fastest
- PREFACE
- "our culture defines us"
- poem vs. monologue
- I don't feel bad coughing right now
- "you ARE them"
- Slut Dike Bitch
- "She made Her"
- ADE, ATION
- Shouldn't we be snapping
- "this is called... PENIS"
- It's new math... no it's not.
- "THAT'S MY DAD!" -Jeff
- I love when Erich speaks in his speaking voice, third poem ftw.

The quotes are all just funny things.  I feel bad judging any of the poets at all because they got up there and did it, but I do have things to say about elements of poetry that in general I love, and things I do not love so much. 

Here we go. There was one kid from St. Ignatius High School who stuck out in particular for the thing I was really looking for tonight and it was internal rhyme.  Regardless of the content of his poem, which was good to begin with, but you could tell he focused a lot on how his words went together.  He used internal rhyme more than any other poet tonight, and his poems sounded awesome for it. 

Sometimes the poems were walking the line between poetry and monologue.  Poetry should have some sort of rhythm or something that makes it a poem, but who am I to be defining poetry.  I don't know, sometimes it seemed like people were performing their poems, and at other times it seemed like they were more of just talking.

"Because God doesn't make promises lightly, and neither do I."  Genius line.  Love it.

But yeah, the poems were mostly really good.  I'm glad I went and I look forward to the next annual poetry slam!

that's part of my face!

This is what my face looks like:

And other than one obvious detail, I look pretty much the same as every other brown hair, brown eyes girl.  We all have different little details to us- but if a 6 year old drew 10 pictures of 10 different girls with brown eyes and hair, all 10 of those pictures would be the same.  Now, my  obvious detail, is the mole to the left of my nose.

And I'm gonna talk about it.

I LOVE that I have something on my face that sets me apart from every other girl- people remember what I look like.  It's like I was born with an auto-unique trait.  And if I didn't have it, I know I would be jealous of other girls who I'm friends with who do.  So that's it, I love my mole.  

But I don't really notice it anymore, it's just there.  I don't even see it on my face anymore because I've had it farther back than I remember.  I wasn't born with it though- I know because it's not in any of my baby pictures.  It came around when I was about 3.  So today, when I went to go look at my senior pictures that I had taken two weeks ago, I had no idea what my mom was talking about when she said "Hayley, your face looks weird."  But as it turned out, my mole had been photoshopped out of my pictures.  

The guy was super nice about it, he was all embarrassed and the pictures are going to be unphotoshopped.  But it felt so bizarre to see my face without my mole.  It would be like looking at your face and you're missing a tooth, or you're missing an eyebrow.  For god's sake, I was symmetrical.

I don't know what I'll do if I ever have to get it removed.  If I have to get it removed before I'm 22, I'll get my eyebrow pierced.  I don't want to be symmetrical, I don't want to be forgettable.   But if it happens past the age of acceptable eyebrow piercing, I don't even know what I'll do.  Probably just be really sad.  It's kind of a big part of my face.  

I have no way to conclude this.  T SHIRT TIMEEEE.

Days 22 and 23

I'm so sick of writing half of a post and then just sitting there holding the backspace button and watching the words I almost said disappear.  As if they were never even thought of at all.  These are the things I almost posted about today, then didn't:

1. January

2. Space and science.

3. Days 22 and 23 of the thirty day challenge.

4. My senior year schedule.

So now's gonna be a really terrible post of all those things!

1. January.  Last January was straight up hell in a month.  Most things for me in that went wrong, and by the end of it I was just looking for things to ruin my life.  It was surely an attitude problem that made me so unpleasant.  I was never going to have a good month if I wasn't even looking to have it.  But then this January came and I was a little bit terrified to find out whether it would be good or bad- and then surprisingly, despite all of the suck that did occur, I actually got through it unscathed.  Other than being a complete dipshit and losing my phone, January of 2011 has been a great start to what I am sure will be an awesome year.  yeee!  And then February started out with two snow days, and what could be better than that?

2.  Space and science.  Are amazing! I'm not usually into science at all but the concept of speed of sound and light both amaze me.  If you consider it, both light and sound take time to reach your senses, meaning that you have never actually heard the sounds occurring at the time they occur.  And you've never seen the moment you're in either, you see a few moments behind it. CRAZY.  But then whats more amazing is the James Webb telescope.  And that with it, we'll be able to see the dawn of the universe because it's going to be THAT MANY light years away from where it occurred!  Mind blowing.  Watch Hank Green talk about it, he's smarter than me.

3.  This post was destined to be whiny and suckish so SKIP

4.  Brag time:  when I graduate from WHS I will have earned 36 credits, which yes, is impossible to students who don't take extra classes.  Also I will have 12 credits in foreign language alone da-DAMN.  

I was just so tempted to delete this entire thing I just wrote and then I remembered that I'm writing it for me, not you, so I'm keepin it.  Iz's post reminded me of why we write in the first place, for ourselves and no one else.

WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

is why people don't say what they mean. Like when people are fake but mostly when people are cryptic and you have to diagram out their sentences to try to figure out what they're trying to say.  Why bother with being fake or being not who you are, even if you're boring or if you don't like who you are.  Just stop.  It's not worth your energy to be anything but yourself.  Scratch that. It's not worth other people's energy for you not to be yourself.  I  don't give a crap whether you're being true to yourself but PLEASE just save me the trouble of having to figure you out.  I'll get to the bottom of it eventually but save me the time.  I feel like standing on the rec center hill and screaming.

Angry girl rant over.

ANYWAYS
I started a second blog.  It's called Dear Emily, and it'll be a series of letters to my little sissy.  She can't have the URL until I go to college though, that's the fun part!  So if you need some extra Hayley in your life, you can check that out atttttt
dearemiily.blogspot.com

So yeah.  It will be all cute and stuff when I give her the URL and she can still have a big sister to sagely guide her as she conquers high school.  Hahahahahha I'm so full of it.

Part 2.

Two or so posts ago, I said that I was having a Holden Caulfield-ish night and I explained the night part of that but I didn't explain the Holden part of that.

Sooooo here it is.

So I left my house and my parents were confident of my whereabouts, similar to how the whole time Holden was adventuring about NYC, his parents thought he was safe at school.  I had that feeling of that if I died or if I just went somewhere really really far, no one would immediately know.  Which is surely a feeling that Holden had.

And I had all of the resources in the world, I was inside the same phone booth as Holden and I could have called people I knew but I didn't know who to call.  My phone booth however, was my car, and I could have driven to a bunch of different houses full of people I knew.  But I didn't know which one would welcome me, or if any of them would.  So I just sat in my phone booth and didn't call anyone at all.

And then I walked into a purely social event completely alone.  Holden watched the biggest football game of the season from atop a hill instead of in the stands with his peers.  We felt the same though.  Just that feeling of solemness  while walking into my high school all dressed up felt so unfamiliar.  I'm used to being alone, I'm an introvert and I love to be alone, but I've never felt so detached around so many people before.

And then there were the deer.  I sat and just watched deer for like 40 minutes, and no one does that.  Holden kept asking about the ducks.  I guess what I'm trying to say about that is that I and he were both far more interested in the nature that was innocent and honest around us than people and things that aren't.  I feel really bad for the deer here.  They're overpopulated and have way less land to live on than they require.  And we cut down more of their habitat here every day.   So we brought in wolves, to which deer are they're natural prey.  But it's not like we do that to humans.  We don't put polar bears in New York City for the purpose of human-munching.

I don't really have any specific conclusion for these things except that I've always thought I was a lot like Holden.  But isn't that the point of Catcher in the Rye?  That we all have a little Holden in us.  We all want to be kids forever and save other kids from the dreadful cliff that is the transition from childhood to adulthood.

So that's a little bit about my favorite book.