2010 is over so I'm gonna write a cliche blog about it

First of all, this:
the best playlist ever.

Sooooo it's sunny and cold out and I love this weather so much and it has put me in such a good mood that I'm gonna write about good things instead of bad ones.  Here Comes the Sun is playing and it couldn't be more appropriate for my life, for everything right now.  2011 will be the last full year of my life where I live at home, and it will also be the end of 2010 which was definitely the hardest year of my life, but also one of the best.   The difficult things include the entire month of January and learning to speak Arabic at Kent State, and although I would never change how Kent went, I would definitely make a few adjustments to January of 2010.  I think that when you're happy, you're supposed to say that you wouldn't change a thing, but I would. There are a few things that I would be better for changing, but I can't and that's okay too.

2010 was one of the best years because of the more full person I became.  I became a little more aware of the world around me and of the opportunities offered to me and I would like to think I'm a nicer person.  I figured out that I really like photography even though I know very little about it.  I also realized that my thoughts matter and I started writing them down.  I started picking what to care about instead of caring because I thought I had to.  I realized that I don't have to do anything anyone tells me to, I only have to do what I want to do to be happy.  Whatever that happiness I'm looking for ends up being still has yet to be found, and I doubt I'll find it this coming year or even in the year after that, but that's still pretty okay that at least I know it's coming.

I've been hearing it often said that you shouldn't have to wait until a new year in order to change and I guess that's true but I like to think that a new year actually will bring brighter times.  So my resolutions that I probably will feel no compelling force to complete except the first are:
1.  At the end of 2011, I want to have 365 pictures showing my life in a year.
2.  I want to start a dailybooth!
3.  To exercise sometimes maybe, I don't know.
4.  To be less lazy and do more things even if they do require getting out of bed.
5.  To read twenty books.  I don't really read at all right now so this is probably the one I'm going to have the most trouble keeping.
6.  To start a collab channel on youtube with my big brother, Beau!
7.  To get into college.

Okay so maybe 7 things to do in 2011 shouldn't be that difficult.  But anyways it's getting close to two thousand tino time.  Oh wait, I mean two thousand eleven time.

All my sources for my crappy research paper are online.

Ironically, I really support written works being in print.  It's ironic because I actually almost never read things in print, and I don't prefer writing to typing either.  It's my generation that's ruining printed works though, and I feel like we mask it by saying that computers are more efficient, which they would be if it weren't for that they are.  Computers are efficient for everything and that in itself is an issue.  When I open my laptop and log in, I do a few things before opening my online textbooks.

Yeah, online textbooks.  This year I don't have as many online as I did last year, but last year I basically didn't even need a backpack because I was able to just access it all from my computer.

Anyways, I log on and I open up some music, usually some obscure hipster indie bullshit playlist from 8tracks.com, I check facebook, and I check my youtube subscriptions.  And all of these things are so convenient just sitting inside my laptop's brain waiting to be seen by me that I really don't even get back to the thought of homework until I've already been on my laptop for an hour.  Having all of these things so accessible is awesome, but them being this accessible and being in the same place sucks because it's so easy to be distracted from my original task. I can't get through homework without wondering what's going on on facebook or wanting to listen to Bowl of Oranges by Bright Eyes just one more time.

I understand why no one wants to read anymore.  A lot of us teenagers are too busy being bombarded by other information than to be reading an actual real book.  Facebook is nothing if not just information and though it's actually very boring information that will never matter, we all care about it together.  Spending an hour on the internet can get you a lot more information than can an hour of reading a book, or so it may seem.  The ratio of information payoff vs. time consumed of a book is way different than the information payoff vs. time consumed googling the plot and characters.  But who even bothers to read the sparknotes anymore because if you don't give enough shit to read the actual book then why even read the sparknotes. Who cares.

So yeah there's the whole time consuming aspect of reading a book, which is too bad considering that if I took all the time I put into facebook and picked up a book instead, I would have it finished within the week.  Maybe I'll do that.   And a book would be more worth my time anyways.  

And although I do actually spend time reading newspapers because over the summer I found out how sad ignorance can be, I pretty much only read online newspapers, partly because I like newspapers from England better than ones from America, but also partly because it's much more efficient because theres no cumbersome huge evil pages to flip through.  (Why do newspaper pages have to be so big.  Why can't they just make magazines every day on newspaper paper without staples but with a table of contents.  Such a better idea than normal newspapers, why hasn't anyone contacted me about my brilliance yet.)  

But the thing about written works being online that scares me the most is the ability to lie about what one wrote.  It's so easy to delete a source and pretend like it just never happened in the first place when it's on the internet, and that's a lot more simple than book burnings for sure.  It's kind of what happened in 1984, with the government choosing which information we are privy to.  Though I am not accusing the government of doing this, it is other people choosing which information we are privy to, and anyone can publish to the internet and say what they're saying is true.  

This whole argument is weirdish because anyone can print their words and say they're true too, but there's a lot more respect about what you write and sell in bookstores than there is on the internet.  

NOTHING MAKES SENSE.  

I wish I knew how to pick a side and be vehement for it EVER because I actually just sit in my room a lot and argue with myself.  

Right, reason #87 why I should ask for some medication for Christmas.  

But let's just take a moment real quick and observe the syntax of my writing.  I never indent, and I don't really know why I hate how indentations look, I just do.

angsty teenager bad writing.

Two things:
1.  Today I realized that I only have about 20 months until I start college
2.  Today I became a little weary about that for the first time ever.

Since I started really considering college last fall, I have never had a sad, negative, bad feeling about it at all.  College sounded perfect, it sounded like exactly what I needed.  It still is but at the same time, leaving what I have here is going to be so hard.  I have some amazing friends here, and I'm never, I realized, going to be ready to leave them to go out on my own.  I've always known that that would eventually come, but I never really considered it as something that will really, truly, happen.  There will be a last day of goofing off in choir and there will be a last day of asking Harry which men he wants to make out with.  It seems bizarre because I've been in this routine of my daily life so long that it seems to me that it won't change. 

I'm not normally this existentialist and terrible buttttt it's snowing out.  I love snow but it definitely puts me in weird moods.  The other thing is English.  My English class this year has pretty much just made everyone in the class a depressed existentialist.  We just got done with studying romanticism and by the end most people in the class had stopped taking notes because we were all so funked out by it, like why take notes if we're just all conformists who are going to die and be forgotten and we have no hope of knowing the beauty of nature and stuff. 

But yea that's over now and we all failed the test on it and now we can all go fail the research paper together!
Failing sucks, but it's better when your whole class just rejoices that we're in it together.