Blair Waldorf

So for old times sake I am just going to type and complain.

Is it still old times sake if I just did it like 2 weeks ago (probably- not actually sure).  I hate google and gmail so much though, like to the point where I am considering switching over to tumblr full time because I can't even handle all of the signing out and signing in it takes.  That and as soon as I get into college I am deleting all of my gmails because I HATE THEM.  For all of the maneuvering of accounts it takes just to log into blogger I'm so mad by the time I'm logged in that I don't even remember what I was going to talk about.

I'm making a lot of different playlists right now soooo I will probably post them on here so that you may enjoy what I am listening to as welllllll.  I've pretty much just been listening to unseasonally happy music so that I don't claw anyone's eyes out of their skull.  I mean it's strange but it works so there ya go.

I remember Iz's summer-nostalgic post last year and I can barely even fathom what nostalgia of summer must feel like.  I mean I'm so deeply entrenched in the trials and tribulations of high school and job-holding and gymnastics and college searching and stuff that I can't imagine being care-free so I don't really try to be.  Last week I had a hysterical, screaming and crying "I wish I was lying in a field surrounded by daisies and kittens and no fucking people" type of a moment but I'm past it and now I'm just excited for winter break.

Not that I actually expect anyone to let me really enjoy winter break but ya know, it's nice to dream.  I've recently realized that the only way I get free time is if I lie.  I have to trick various people into thinking I am doing something else in order to not have to do their thing which is horrible but also works out very well sooooo.  That or I have to lie to myself and just be like nahhhh you don't have homework.. no way.

And that's how I end up watching Gossip Girl and blogging at 11:12pm on a Sunday night.

My english teacher hasn't posted our grades up yet since the quarter began, which was a solid month ago, so I have kind of taken to lying to myself and pretending like Lang isn't really a class anymore.  For example I had an essay due on Friday.  Wasn't really sure how to start it so I just didn't write it.

Although to be honest, my assignment was to write a column in the same style as Robert Fisk and basically I already write tersely and lack transitions so I basically have just written this column... too bad I am too lazy to print it and turn it in.

SPEAKING OF BEING TOO LAZY TO PRINT IT AND TURN IT IN I have a C in French right now basically for that reason.  Much love to Mme. Miller and everything but it's just kind of cruel to assign a weekend homework assignment as an essay worth 40 points without at least telling us it would be worth 40 points.  So I didn't do it for the day it was due and then I just sort of blew it off a few days until after Thanksgiving break and I wrote it and probably still could have gotten half credit but I just didn't ever print it. It was actually pretty good though.

I'm glad that all of this "hayley skips class and the entire world flips their shit on her" thing is over because- no offense to adults and basically everyone who has been concerned about me this past week- my life is none of the business of all of the adults in my life, and whether they think that's true or not, I don't owe the entire planet an explanation as to why I skipped class.

But really- you're asking me why I skipped class? Once?  You mean literally you want to know why I skipped class one time?  YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I DECIDED TO TAKE FREEDOM OVER BOREDOM FOR 40 MINUTES OF MY LIFE?  Are you kidding me?

Sorry for all of those rhetorical questions but honestly I feel like asking me that emphatic But why, Hayley? is nothing more than condescending and ridiculous.  Sometimes I feel like adults get so wrapped up in the formality of the manufacturing of teenagers into adults that they forget that it's not important anyways.

(feel free to skip this part and just go down to the capital letters)
And I'm really sorry to deviate into philosophical shit right now but the truth is that none of this will ever be important.  not me, not you.  And I know that it's horrible to think about and I'm sorry for bringing that up while you're probably just intending to read the normal satirical and lovely writings of Hayley S. Hartman but you could also just be optimistic and realize that that idea alone takes a lot of pressure off of your shoulders anyways.

And I should also probably remind you that just because it isn't important doesn't mean it shouldn't be important to you.

I've been battling a lot lately with the realization that you only live once, which is an obvious and true fact that I have known for a long time but one that I have also not realized until recently.  So now you know my current philosophical reasoning and I am have a less than quarter life crisis.

BUT THE POINT OF IT ALL IS

that I think that adults lately have been rather intrusive and nosy about my life and I would rather them not be so.

And actually not just adults, but more than that- schoolmates of mine.  I don't care who you are or how good of friends you think we are, there is a rule surrounding questions regarding state of being, and it is such:  These are questions for which the answer was written millions of years ago and it is transcribed into caves in France and it is "Arbitrary answer expressing a state of content."

So if you see someone, and they are clearly not okay, and you know that they can not actually answer that question with "I'm lovely, what about you?" honestly, the correct question to ask is "What happened?" if you're close with that person, and you're probably not, in which case the correct question is not a question at all. At that point you should probably just turn around and walk away because I guarantee that whatever is making that person upset is both

1.  Not about to go away because you were there for them (sorry- it's just true. you guys aren't that close, remember?) and
2.  Not about to be solved by the simple "How are you?" because if you're not close enough to skip the delicacies and the formalities, you sure as hell aren't close enough to get that person to admit their problems to you.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

Now, granted, like 69% of the people who like me enough to read my blog are definitely people who I would tell my problems to.  But of the general population, I'm sorry occupy movement, but you favorites of mine are the 1%

I love making Occupy jokes.

Also the other thing is that I always cry about my problems when I say them out loud (and now you know why I just discuss them in a typed form) so I pretty much just prefer to avoid talking about them at all.  WHICH ISN'T ABNORMAL AT ALL I JUST KIND OF WISH PEOPLE WOULD HAVE LEFT ME ALONE ALL WEEK

Good.  So.  Now you're pretty much caught up in a truthful and possibly but probably not eloquent way.  I've been wanting to talk about all of this but I was having a hard time getting the words out without being angry but now that it's all over I think it all came out better than I expected it to.

This has nothing to do with this post but I have been watching Gossip Girl lately and sometimes it skews my own perception of my life.  I just love to pretend I'm Blair Waldorf- what can I say.